Zippers To My Mind

2011-01-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

It seems like every time I log on to Blogger, my life has completely re-routed itself. I guess I did start writing it in a very transitional period in my life. Extremely so. I mean, between crisis centers and a love-life mess the size of Gotham, I've gotta say... Holy stupid kids, Batman! I was one!

So, just a few quick updates.

I'm single. Yeah, broke up with Kat in the lamest break up in history. I was so shell shocked I didn't cry for months afterward. I really wanted to blog here, but the blank post box was... more than daunting. So, I'm single. Who knows when I'll find someone, I'm not really actively searching, and I'm really trying to deplete whatever sexual tension there is between me and Kat.

I quit my job. Sort of... a really desperate move. Not like I had to, or like I had a substantial reason to. I just... was under some emotional duress.

Emotional duress of the father figure kind. The kind I usually get in. My mom's second husband pulled a disappearing act in the worst ways. Ditched her and our family like an old rag for some other stupid woman. I was torn. I'd really tried to let him into my life, even ignored all the feelings I'd had about him being so very wrong.

So here comes Joe, this short east coaster with no teeth who's crazier than shit but some how is the only one of my mother's boyfriends to ever work his way into my heart this fast. It's a little scary, but I think he's a little freaked by being here too. He's always afraid my mom will just turn around and kick him out. She never would, and I think we'll be good friends.

Right now, I'm approaching the heat of exam week. And I'm batshit scared.

So, that's all I'll be gracing you with tonight.

formspring.me

2010-05-11T17:41:00.001-07:00

RAWR. http://formspring.me/NOXIS

I'm bloody back!

2009-07-21T17:55:00.001-07:00

Bet you didn't think I was coming back, huh? Well, I am back. Surprise surprise. Okay, so here's the low down.

After reading my last post, I realized a few human errors. For one, my mom may not get the Bisexual thing, but she would accept me anyway. She'll always accept me because she's the most loving person I know, and definitly the person I care about most. I also seemed to have been misreading my own signs. I realized it one day after school. A perfectly normal day, too. Well, I'm not Bisexual. I'm honestly repulsed by the idea of... ugh. Anywho, I told my mom and my sisters, and their just fine with it all. Even my girlfriends fine with it.

AH! My girlfriend who I've had since that last post, a whole year ago. Kat. Well, she's just great. When you've been friends since you were in grade two, it's hard to fuck up a relationship. She completes me in a way, I suppose. She's the kind of person who can rant for hours about war (and aspires to join the army); a real caring person. While I, on the other hand, always openly admit how self centered I am. If I had a choice between saving myself and saving someone else, I'd almost always choose myself, depending on who said person was. I like to spend time with her. We watch a lot of movies together, because she always has impecable choices. Sometimes she calls me just to talk about how she had a bad day at school (I'm in grade 8 and she's a year higher, meaning we didn't go to the same school; we will be this year). She often says that everyone complains too much to her, so I try not to. I try to be the person she can come and complain to when no one else will listen. Mostly because I don't have many things worth complaining about.

I mean sure, I really really hate Tamara, and that's something to complain about. She has honestly made the last two years of my life hell. She was more like a person to cling to during school when I had no one else in grade seven. If only I had known how she was clinging back. I tried various times to just break from her, but it wasn't easy. It got to a point where we openly hated each other, and yet were nice enough to each other to seem like friends to the untrained eye. And unfortunately, the untrained eye is usually the teacher's. All the kid in out class knew we hated each other. They'd ask "Why do you two hate each other so much?" and we'd respond in unison "Because she's a bitch!" That wasn't really why. When I started hanging out with Briana and dating Katherine, she got really jealous. And she was a liar. One thing I hate is a liar. I slapped her in the last week of school. It was fucking amazing. I couldn't believe I'd lashed out in physical violence, but I felt much better. I was surprised when Jenna, the quiet girl who also hung out with us, said "There are some people you hang out with, but you know you're better them, but you hang out with them anyways." She was right, but why should I put myself through that? So as of the end of this school year, I'll never speak to her again. It's a new school year in September, and I'm sick of being sad. It's time to change.

I suppose I could also complain about my dad, but I never would. He's done some... not great things in the past, that's true. I can't hold them against him, though. I'll never forget, but I will forgive. The thing about never forgetting and yet forgiving is that, unlike my sister who does this a lot, I'll never bring it up in conversation. I don't want to talk about how bad my dad was. That was the past, and although there are somethings he still does, I'm willing to overlook them so that I may love him unconditionally, as a child is supposed to.

Anyhow, this summer is bound to be very productive. Maybe not in the writing sense, but in the sense that I'll be making money. Yup, I have a job. I'm a McDonalds Crew Member, as you can see on my updated profile. I work in the back, making the food. It's hard work, but I don't particularly dislike it. I also got a valuable statement from a Swing Manager, Carrie. She told me that her first boss had told her "You're here to make money, not friends" And making money I am! I made 100$ for three shifts. I wonder how much I'll make when I get my next pay check. I'm looking forward to buying all those things I've always wanted. Like that 'I Hate Babies" T-shirt, and a shirt that says "I Can't Even Think Straight!" or something so I can be a lesbian and proud. I have two ABJDs right now, and I was thinking of getting more, but for now I'd really just like to buy them both some new clothes and furniture and things. I was planning on going to Ai-Kon, but I may not be able to go. Which is sad, because I was really looking forward to all that.

I think that pretty much covers my up date. I'm all grown up.

Your's truely,
Nitric

Re-reads, Dolls, and Live Journals.

2008-08-18T02:50:00.001-07:00

Wow. Just wow. I went back and read what I've writen here... and wow. My last couple of posts weren't so bad, but... I mean... Sunny and I were friends? Haha! It seems like impossible to picture now. Anyway, I'm pleased to say that I've come back to complain and squee about a few things.

Complaint number one! My love life... not so cool. If you bothered to read that bit about a guy code named 'Xenon', then I'm sorry to say that things didn't work out. I think I've grown out of these silly internet relationship things. It seems a little surreal once you've dated in real life. Enough about that, now.

Complaint number two! My mom and her strange thoughts on bisexuals. We were driving back to Sam's new house after visiting my Aunt's. Before we left, we had been talking about our Mamere being on Facebook now, and how some people wanted to hide certain things from her that were so obvious on their Facebook. One of such things was my cousin's bisexuality. We started talking about it in the car on the way back and my mom seems to think that it's bullshit. She doesn't understand how you can like both men and women. She said "You're either gay or you're not gay!". I kinda went all silent, cause', well... yeah. Not really straight here buddy! I like women, I really do, but I don't want to give up men. There's a big differance between being bi and not being able to choose between oatmeal or cearal for breakfast!

I guess I'm fussing over my sexuality a bit too much. It's not like she can change it anyways, but I'd rather that she was a bit less single minded. Oh well, save the best for last, right?

Squee~! My first Asian Ball Jointed Doll should be here really soon! As much as I'm upset about my mom's strange views on bisexuality, I can't help but give her my undying gratitude for buying me my first boy! He's a Dolkot Junior Day. I bought him a face-up from Dolkot as well, so he cost $419.35. Now you see the gratitude? I also bought him $111.oo of clothes, along with a pair of shoes, a wig, and some arm wraps from Dollmore. I can't wait untill he arrives, even though he'll be naked and hairless for a bit before his clothes come.

Well, that's all from me. If you want something a bit more recent [maybe not as in depth], you may want to check out my LiveJournal.

LJ: http://anticensored.livejournal.com/
Dolkot: http://dolkot.com/index.php
Dolkot Junior Day: http://dolkot.com/shop/step1.php?number=1022
Dollmore: http://www.dollmore.net/index.php

Shit! I just realized I missed a appointment with my Mentle Health Worker!

Sincerly yours,
Nitric

I don't even want it back!

2008-04-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

Well, everything started when I went for a walk. My mom and I had been fighting before and I just left without even telling her where I was going. I was heading to the library, card and all. I only planned to stay untill I calmed down to begin with. The problem was, when I got there, the library was closed. I continued walking instead. I looped around past the court house knowing I'd make it back home that way. There was water everywhere and it made the walk just that much funner as I was always jumping puddles from the melting snow. Too bad I made it back.

She screamed at me and swore. Apparently she couldn't find me anywhere when she drove around the block. Although, it didn't surprise me. The court house is a ways away from the street we actually live on. I went to my room, only to find my computer gone. Yes, gone. Not just the internet. The whole thing was in the hallway.

I mourned for days about the loss of my ablity to write. At the time, there was nothing I wanted to do more. After begging and cleaning my room, I finally got it back with internet. I jumped right to playing on the computer as usual.

The next day, I lost the internet. I was staying up too late again and disrepecting her. Just now do I see how much that means to her. Over the week without it I flourished. I did my homework everyday and was able to have plenty of leisure time. I didn't want it back. She gave it back. I screamed at her, "I don't want it back! Take it back!" Most people would ask, why? It's just a computer. I can't controll myself when I have it, although. It's a unneeded distraction that makes me unhappy.

Today, my mothers boyfriend deleted a lot of files my mother used on IMVU. A site that she has a lot of fun on when she roleplays. I guess he got jealous once again. But, the quirky part was when I heard her shout, "I don't want them back!" It seemed odd for me to hear her saying the words I'd spit at her just days before. Makes me wonder just how far the apple falls from the tree...

Yours Truely,
Nitric

Of Dead Gentlemen, Doctors and Spring Break

2008-04-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

I don't post on my blog as much as I should that's for freaking sure. So here's what's been going on lately.

I've pretty much reading Yaoi manga all the time when I'm actually on the computer. When I'm offline I preceed to kill thousands of brain cells my playing mindless video games. The recent favourite is Siren, a servival horror game. I did stop to do something creative once. I practiced my Chinese bush stroaks. Have to get my Zen down before I can start painting. Speaking of Zen, here's a Zen saying I found:

A monk asked Ummon, "If a man kills his mother, kills his father, he can repent in front of the Buddha, but if he kills a Buddha, kills a patriarch, then who does he repent to?"
Ummon replied, "Quite!"

If someone thinks they know what it means, they should comment and tell me. I'd like to hear it. It can't be as half as confusing as 'The mountains are mountains, but the mountains are not mountains because the mountains are mountains.'

Anyways I went to the doctor the other day. I went to talk about my mentle state. He said that he couldn't recomend me to a Phycologist because only a Mentle Health Worker could do that. I've seen the Mentle Health Workers before and they've never really made a huge change. I want results and I need them quickly. I may sound a little demanding, but it's true. I'm sick and straight out tired of being so mad all the time. I'm a little mad right now!

At least I'm not going to go out and kill anyone, because guess what? My novel Dead Gentlemen has found it's permadent home here on Blogger! I'd just be thrilled if everyone who saw this dropped by and read it! You can find it on my profile under blogs.

I could keep writing about just nothing at all, but what would be the point. I seriously ought to write something meaninful!

Yours truely,
Nitric

Long time no see?

2008-03-03T12:32:00.001-08:00

Well, that's just it. It has been a long time. Mind you, I did actually finish that Louis Riel report. I'll write the just of it.

Louis Riel was a political type of guy who led the Metis revolution. He sentenced a man to death, which probably wasn't a smart move, since that's what led to his trail in Regina. He was sentenced to death by hanging even though lot's of people didn't agree. Quite a strange guy, but they call him the father of Manitoba.

Other than that, I got sick with a terrible cold. I haven't gone to school at all recently and don't plan to. My egg shell thing was due last Friday so I'm in no hurry? Everyone's been sending me their love to get better. Thanks Sunny, Abby, and Gabe!

Oh yeah, so me and Sunny are friends again. Pretty cool, huh? Not really. I ought to write something entertaining is what.

Yours Truely,
Nitric

Louis Riel Day.

2008-02-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Louis Riel day! Or, Happy Presidents Day, for all those who live in the USA.

Today is the last day of my week end, so I'm kind bored. I know I should be researching Louis Riel for my report tomorrow. I've really had enough with loosing marks because I never do the News Reports. I'm bad when it comes to things like this. If that didn't make things worse, I also have math. I'm no good at math. At all. I don't have a clue what the square root of 24 is, and I wasn't aware I was supposed to.

Has anyone noticed that every damned year we have to learn patterning? Even though we've long since had it jammed into our heads? I find it annoying, really. We're doing patterning now and least to say, I'm not happy. I remember being completely lost in Kindergarden with patterning. How do I remember my Kinder years? Well, I'm only 13, geez.

I really should get to work on all this crap. I think that now I've writen this I'll have a much easier time finishing all my homework. I'm even a little siked for math? Haha! Who thought that'd be possible. Oh, I'm going to post up what I've learned about Louis Riel after I'm done.

For now, I think I'll take a shower and then get to work.

Yours Truely,
Nitric

Deja vu?

2008-01-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

I admit, this may seem like a strange topic for my very first post, but I find it rather fitting. I've had many blogs before and it seems like Deja Vu. In fact, just the other day I experianced Deja Vu. It was while reading a silly fanfiction about Jeff Hardey and Chris Jaricho [pardon my spelling]. A phrase just stood out in my head, like I'd seen it before. This made me wonder what Deja Vu really was.

The Wikipedia definition is ;;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D%C3%A9j%C3%A0_vu

Déjà vu; also called paramnesia, from Greek παρα para, "parallel" + μνήμη mnēmē, "memory") is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has repeated itself). The term was coined by a French psychic researcher, Émile Boirac (1851–1917) in his book L'Avenir des sciences psychiques (The Future of Psychic Sciences), which expanded upon an essay he wrote while an undergraduate. The experience of déjà vu is usually accompanied by a compelling sense of familiarity, and also a sense of "eeriness", "strangeness", or "weirdness". The "previous" experience is most frequently attributed to a dream, although in some cases there is a firm sense that the experience "genuinely happened" in the past. Déjà vu has been described as "remembering the future".

It seems as if I'm not the only one wondering about what it is. I've seen quite a few Psyhic documentaries and shows on TV, since I truely find it all fasinating. What gets to me the most is when they say that everyone has some sort of psyhic ability. Could it be that Deja Vu is a small burst of psyhicness? Well, it certainly something to think about. Believe what you believe in, people. Even if it's that Deja Vu is just a glitch in the Matrix.

Just remember folks, don't cut your nails at night, don't wear your new shoes at night, and don't sleep after you eat.

Yours truely,
Nitric